Not Everyone Is Just Like You

He is a great executive. A self-starter, he prides himself on being able to land on his feet in virtually any new environment. He is extremely intelligent, hard-working, creative, and entrepreneurial. He gets the job done. Not only doesn't he need much supervision; he doesn't like it when people treat him as if he needs lots of help.

As we talked on the plane, he was obviously frustrated. Describing a recent meeting, he grimaced. "I finally just got up and walked out," he said. "I was so angry I decided it was better not even to speak. If I had stayed there, I would have told that guy to f--- off."

"What did your direct report do to make you so upset?" I asked.

"I have told him over and over that he needs to take more responsibility," he grunted. "Then, as soon as I give him a great opportunity, he gives me this lost look and asks me to tell him what he is supposed to do."

"What about his behavior made you so angry?" I wanted to know.

"I love to figure things out for myself. For example, I was given an assignment to set up a new business in Croatia. I had never been there before, but I figured it out for myself. I just hate it when people need to be told what to do all of the time. I would have never done what he did in that meeting."

"I can see your point." I said, laughing. "If he were only you, you wouldn't have any problems as his manager."

I went on: "Has it ever dawned on you that most people in the world are more like him than they are like you? Most people need help on new assignments."

My airplane neighbor, stuck in the seat and by now probably regretting that he had started talking to me, was forced to listen as I continued: "Wouldn't the world be a wonderful place if everyone were just like you? Then your job as a leader would be so easy." (I was being sarcastic.) He started to squirm as we discussed the home front. "Do you do this to your wife?" I asked.

He sighed. "My wife is a wonderful person. Her major complaint is that I am always trying to make her 'try more things' and be someone other than who she is."

"No doubt, someone more like you?" I guessed. He nodded his head. Then he asked: "What do you think I should do?"

My advice about work was: "Make peace with the fact that everyone who reports to you isn't like you. Some people need more structure and direction, especially early in assignments. Learn to love coaching these people. Help them more and judge them less."

My advice about home was: "Go home and tell your wife you met a talkative bald guy on the airplane who gave you some free coaching. Apologize for trying to make her act like you. Ask her to forgive you for judging her. Recognize that nobody made you God this week. Let her know that you're proud of her, that you love her just the way she is, and that you are lucky to be her husband."

"You are right," he said with a smile. "I have been pretty stupid."

Then I gave him some advice about what he should do for himself. "Forgive yourself and start over. Let go of the past. Not only can you stop making such harsh judgments about others - you can stop being too hard on yourself. Overall, you seem to be an outstanding executive and a good husband. You can get even better at both."

We can all reflect on the myriad times that we have judged other people. How many times has this negative judgment occurred because we think: "That's not what I would have done?"

I have found four words that almost always help people be better leaders, partners, friends, and family members: Help more, judge less.

How would your co-workers, friends, and family feel if you helped a little bit more - and judged a little bit less? I doubt they would write me hate mail because you read this column and made those changes.

Life is good.

Marshall

Every two years there is a global survey to determine the world’s top 50 business thinkers. In 2009 Marshall's friend the late CK Prahalad was ranked #1 and Marshall was ranked #14. To participate in the 2011 Thinkers 50, visit http://www.thinkers50.com/vote.

My newest book, MOJO, is a New York Times (advice), Wall Street Journal (business), USAToday (money) and Publisher's Weekly (non-fiction) best seller. It is now available online and at major bookstores.

http://www.MarshallGoldsmithLibrary.com

#MOJOtweet

http://www.LeadingNews.org

http://www.MarshallGoldsmithFeedForward.com

Marshall's Upcoming Schedule

Become a More Effective Leader by Asking One Tough Question

What prevents us from making the changes we know will make us more effective leaders?

Great question. I may be the only executive educator who actually measures whether the participants in my leadership development courses actually do what I teach--and then measures if they are seen as becoming more effective leaders.
At the end of my sessions, I ask leaders (who have received 360-degree feedback) to follow up with their co-workers and ask for ongoing ideas about how they can continue to become more effective. A year later, about 70% do some version of this recommended follow-up (as reported by their co-workers, not by them); 30% do absolutely nothing.

I am not ashamed of these numbers. I am happy: not only are 70% of those who do their follow-up seen as becoming better leaders, the 30% who do absolutely nothing don't get any worse!

But to your question, what prevents the 30% from making the changes they know will make them more effective leaders?

Dropping the Ball

I had the chance to interview many of the 'do-nothings' with one of my clients a year later to ascertain why they had dropped the ball on their follow-up commitment.

Their answers had nothing to do with integrity, ethics, or values. The 'do-nothings' were good people with good values. They were intelligent people who felt bad about not following up with their co-workers.

If it wasn't lack of intelligence or values, why did 30% of the participants in my courses leave with the idea that they were going to put what they were taught into practice--and then let an entire year pass with no visible effort?

Excuses, Excuses

The answer has to do with a daydream. I have indulged in this daydream for years. In fact, you too may have had this same recurring daydream.

This daydream explains why the participants in my courses don't end up doing what they know they should. It also probably explains why you don't do many things in your life and career that you know you should.

The daydream goes like this:

"I am incredibly busy right now. In fact, I feel as busy as I have ever felt in my life. Sometimes my life feels a little out of control. But I am dealing with some very unique and special challenges right now. I think the worst of this will be over in a few months. Then I am going to take a couple of weeks to get organized, spend some time with my family, start my 'healthy life' program, and work on personal development."

One Tough Question

Have you ever had a daydream that vaguely resembles this dream? How long have you been having this same, repetitive dream? Most leaders I meet have been having it for years.

I have learned a hard lesson trying to help real people change real behavior in the real world. The 'couple of weeks' that you are fantasizing about are not going to happen. Look at the trend line. There is a good chance that tomorrow is going to be even crazier than today!

If you want to make real change, ask yourself this tough question: What am I willing to change now? Not 'in a few months.' Not 'when I get caught up.' Now.
Now, take a deep breath. Forget your glorious plans. Accept the craziness of your life. Do what you can do now. Let go of everything else. And make peace with what is.

List the 'personal improvement' activities that you have been 'planning' to do - but have not quite 'got around to' yet.

Challenge yourself on each activity.

Get started on the activity within two weeks - or take it off the list - and quit tormenting yourself.

Life is good.

Marshall

Every two years there is a global survey to determine the world’s top 50 business thinkers. In 2009 Marshall's friend the late CK Prahalad was ranked #1 and Marshall was ranked #14. To participate in the 2011 Thinkers 50, visit http://www.thinkers50.com/vote.

My newest book, MOJO, is a New York Times (advice), Wall Street Journal (business), USAToday (money) and Publisher's Weekly (non-fiction) best seller. It is now available online and at major bookstores.

http://www.MarshallGoldsmithLibrary.com

#MOJOtweet

http://www.LeadingNews.org

http://www.MarshallGoldsmithFeedForward.com

Marshall's Upcoming Schedule

Advice for Marketing Executives During Tough Times

Q: Do you have any specific suggestions for marketing executives in this challenging climate?

A: Great question. During hard times companies often cut back on marketing budgets. As business becomes more competitive, marketing executives face increasing pressure to demonstrate the value that their function is adding to the firm.

For an insider's perspective, I've asked Susanne Lyons, former CMO at Visa and Charles Schwab, to answer your question. Here are her ideas and reflections:
Chief Marketing Officers (CMOs) are usually under pressure because most organizations see marketing as a cost center and are not aware of how it is contributing to the bottom line. This can lead to a crisis of credibility and a loss of power for the marketer. CMOs have a very high turnover rate. Here are a few suggestions that may help CMOs gain credibility and make a positive difference for their firms:

1. Have a thorough understanding of how the business runs. Many marketers are creative or have deep functional expertise but lack general business training. Set aside time to learn the ins and outs of your businesses - for example: revenue drivers, influences on profitability, corporate vision, and budget. To earn credibility, you not only need to keep track of your own budget, but also understand exactly what the marketing function is doing to drive bottom-line results.

2. Speak the same language as other executives. Chances are your peers talk in terms of revenue, cash flow, and profitability - they don't have an ear for the soft language marketers grew up with like "brand awareness." Listen to how your peers are talking and adopt their lingo. Think of how you can explain your activities and results using terms that resonate with them.

3. Align yourself with the rest of your executive team. Driving revenue hinges on alignment of marketing with sales and other functions. For example, you don't want the CEO and CFO coming to you and saying, "You never justify why we're spending so much money, so we're cutting your budget." Having meetings to discuss methodology and the types of metrics the other executives are looking for, such as what the VP of Sales thinks of as a "qualified lead," will align your role with theirs.

4. Find the right reporting tools. Arm yourself with tools that let you say: "here's the proof that we really helped drive these results." These tools generate hard numbers such as how many leads were brought in and how many of those leads converted, and you need them in order to demonstrate a firmer business case.

5. Measure your way to a seat at the table. The only way to prove your impact is to make measurement your mantra. Whether it's measuring response to offers, Web site click-throughs, or lead quality, those measurements will justify how you spend your money and prove that you deserve a seat at the executive table.

Thank you, Susanne.

Life is good.

Marshall

Every two years there is a global survey to determine the world’s top 50 business thinkers. In 2009 Marshall's friend the late CK Prahalad was ranked #1 and Marshall was ranked #14. To participate in the 2011 Thinkers 50, visit http://www.thinkers50.com/vote.

My newest book, MOJO, is a New York Times (advice), Wall Street Journal (business), USAToday (money) and Publisher's Weekly (non-fiction) best seller. It is now available online and at major bookstores.

http://www.MarshallGoldsmithLibrary.com

#MOJOtweet

http://www.LeadingNews.org

http://www.MarshallGoldsmithFeedForward.com

Marshall's Upcoming Schedule

Go for It, Brett; Retiring Successfully Is Harder Than It Looks

After retiring, why do so many athletes like Brett Favre change their minds and come back? Why can't they just go out on top?

After announcing his retirement, Brett Favre was asked, "What are some things that you are looking forward to doing?"

"Nothing," he replied. "And I am going to stick to that until I do something else."

This was an extremely bad sign of the potential for Mr. Favre having a successful retirement.

In my job as an executive coach, I have spent a lot of time with leaders who are dealing with retirement. While some make the transition pretty well, for many it is a disaster. I am a little surprised that Brett lasted as long as he did.

The fact is, after being a huge success in a career that has brought benefits like leadership, relationships, contribution, meaning and happiness, playing mediocre golf with a bunch of old men at the country club isn't really that great. Eating the same chicken salad sandwich, at the same table, and talking with a bunch of retired folks about the person you "used to be" gets old very fast. And after the third cruise, most former leaders are ready to kill the entertainment director.

Many executives who 'retire' immediately proceed to drive their spouses crazy. After a month or so, Brett's wife was probably thrilled at the idea of his going back to football.

One retired military leader reported that - after three months of retirement - he was alphabetizing the cans in the kitchen. When he asked his wife if 'baked beans' should be placed under 'BA' for 'baked' or 'BE' for beans, she screamed, "Get out!"

One former corporate executive is now conducting performance appraisals every month - with his gardeners and house staff. As he 'rank orders' their performance, I am sure that their eyes roll as they think, "Get a life."

A CEO friend of my family's sold his business for millions of dollars. He was about Mr. Favre's age. When I expressed grave doubts about his ability to successfully retire, he scoffed and assured me that he was different than the other leaders I had worked with. Within a few months, his wife had gotten a job selling dresses. (Hint, hint.) His kids were away at college. (Uh oh.) He was sitting at home watching sitcoms when the delivery guy came over. They had a very interesting chat. It was so interesting that he smiled and thought, "That was great! In fact, talking with the delivery guy was the highlight of my week!"

Then he looked into the mirror and realized, "Oh my God! The highlight of my week was talking to the delivery guy!"

He started looking for another job the next day.

If you have ever watched Brett Favre play, you know that he loves football. For him, football provides meaning. It makes him happy.

I watched him on TV this week at practice. He was smiling. No, he was beaming.
When he "retired," he was crying.

Beaming is better than crying.

My advice for Brett Favre is - go for it.

Will he eventually fail? Of course. Might he eventually look old and pathetic?

Sure. Who cares? It is his life. It is his decision. If he can do something that provides meaning and happiness for another year or so - or even another month or so - why not?

He is no longer looking forward to "nothing." He is now looking forward to "something" - every practice, and especially, every Sunday.

Life is good.

Marshall

Every two years there is a global survey to determine the world’s top 50 business thinkers. In 2009 Marshall's friend the late CK Prahalad was ranked #1 and Marshall was ranked #14. To participate in the 2011 Thinkers 50, visit http://www.thinkers50.com/vote.

My newest book, MOJO, is a New York Times (advice), Wall Street Journal (business), USAToday (money) and Publisher's Weekly (non-fiction) best seller. It is now available online and at major bookstores.

http://www.MarshallGoldsmithLibrary.com

#MOJOtweet

http://www.LeadingNews.org

http://www.MarshallGoldsmithFeedForward.com

Marshall's Upcoming Schedule

How to Terminate a Great Performer in a Tough Economy

Q: Our company has had a terrible year because one of our divisions completely tanked. Although my division had a fantastic year, corporate cutbacks mean that I have to lay off some great people. Do you have any suggestions on how to best handle this tough situation?

A: Your situation is, unfortunately, very common this year. I work for one financial institution where over 90% of the units had great years - yet two units lost more money than the combined profits of all of the other units. Board-dictated, corporate-wide cutbacks required many of their leaders to face exactly what you are facing.

It's one of the toughest challenges that any leader will face - having to terminate employees who are doing a great job.

I definitely don't have any easy answers, but I hope that my suggestions can help you make the best out of this tough situation.

• Tell the truth. The employees who are being terminated may argue with you that "this isn't fair." They are right. Recognize that life is not always fair and that the "good guys" don't always win. Don't try to prove they are wrong - and get into a counter-productive argument. Sometimes we are punished because of external events that are outside of our control.


• Be prepared for their anger. Even though their dismissal may not be your fault, you are still the visible representative of the company. They may verbally attack you. Don't take it personally. Realize that this is a normal human reaction to pain. Take the high road. Forgive them for any personal negative comments about you. (I didn't say these suggestions were easy!)


• Don't sell out the company or your fellow co-workers. Even though the leaders of the company may have made some mistakes, they are still your co-workers. When we are attacked, it is very easy to deflect the anger to someone else. Try not to do this. Someday you may be the person who makes a mistake. How would you like your co-workers to speak about you? Use this as a guideline in discussing your co-workers with the person who is being terminated.


• Help them any way that you can. As Billie Holliday so wisely noted, "Money, you got lots of friends/crowding 'round your door. /When it's gone, spending ends/they don't come around no more." Everyone is nice to people who are winning. But people seem to forget our names when we are not doing well. My good friend, Don Sherrit, taught me years ago to always go out of your way to be nice to people when times are tough. You never know, that person you are terminating today may end up becoming your customer, partner or even boss. Times change. People remember the way they were treated when they were hurt. Aside from the good business logic, this just shows that you have class as a human being.


• Keep in contact with them after they leave. Try to help them with networking. Call them on the phone. Send an email. If they don't want to hear from you, they will let you know. If they appreciate the fact that you are reaching out to them, do it; if not, just let it go.

I am not naive - I know that none of these suggestions will make your discussion a pleasant experience. But I hope that these ideas help you manage a thorny situation in the best way you can.

Life is good.

Marshall

Every two years there is a global survey to determine the world’s top 50 business thinkers. In 2009 Marshall's friend the late CK Prahalad was ranked #1 and Marshall was ranked #14. To participate in the 2011 Thinkers 50, visit http://www.thinkers50.com/vote.

My newest book, MOJO, is a New York Times (advice), Wall Street Journal (business), USAToday (money) and Publisher's Weekly (non-fiction) best seller. It is now available online and at major bookstores.

http://www.MarshallGoldsmithLibrary.com

#MOJOtweet

http://www.LeadingNews.org

http://www.MarshallGoldsmithFeedForward.com

Marshall's Upcoming Schedule